Has anyone ever said to you, “Calm down” when you were upset? It didn’t work, did it? In fact, it probably made you more agitated. Finding calm when everything is hitting the fan isn’t something we can do on someone’s command, and being told to calm down comes across as patronizing and dismissive — as if we’re being silly or irrational by being upset. This just ratchets up our lack of calm.

We don’t consciously notice a calm state since we experience calm when we feel safe and in control. When we’re calm, we are free from agitation, anxiety, worry…

For many of us, winter usually brings a double dose of the blues due to Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and the holidays. This year, we’re facing a triple whammy because we’re heading into the blues season with a heavy dose of Covid-19 blues, which isn’t going away any time soon. Governments are only marginally successful at controlling Covid-19, and while vaccines look promising, production and distribution challenges need to be met.

SAD is already rearing its depressing head, and holiday celebrations are being curtailed by the increasing need for isolation, face masks, and travel bans. We’re in a deep blue…

Frustration can feel as if we’re spiraling into the ground like a screw being turned by some unseen hand that’s out to get us. Things hit the fan, we’re up against a roadblock, everyone seems to be working at cross purposes to us, tempers are short, irritation is high, and we’re frustrated beyond description. Nothing is going the way we want.

Frustration can make us feel pressured, trapped, helpless, angry, and a host of other negative emotions. It can boil over into arguments, fire up into conflict, and lead to actions we later regret.

While screaming might release some of…

Our mood matters in many ways. A good mood can make us more creative, productive, happier, and resilient. On the other hand, a bad mood can drag us down, kill our motivation, and leave us bereft of happiness. Sometimes, we know what triggers our mood; sometimes, they seem to appear out of nowhere; sometimes they bounce up and down like a ping-pong ball. While it can seem as if our moods are out of our control, they aren’t.

Our moods can range from high to low in a matter of seconds. Consultant and author Larry Senn, in his book The…

Productivity is the motto of business whether we work for others or ourselves. Our inboxes fill up with newsletters, blog posts, articles on how to be more productive, get more done, be more efficient, and so on.

I’ve written about productivity too many times to count, and I pride myself on my ability to be productive regardless of what’s happening around me. In fact, I get off on accomplishing everything on my to-do list. It’s a heady feeling to line out one task after another and review what I’ve produced after a hard day’s work. Or a hard week’s work…

Have you ever been in a business meeting when someone pitched a fit and went off on another person? I have, and it isn’t pretty. Our ability to control our emotions, avoid outbursts, and stay calm and controlled in heated situations are hallmarks of professionalism. Yet, it can be hard to hold our temper when we feel as if we’re being attacked or insulted.

I have always struggled with a hot temper and a short fuse. I’ve gotten myself into some sticky situations and have had to apologize to people I wouldn’t share a cup of coffee with at any…

Our technical skills and expertise contribute a great deal to our long-term career and professional success, but they only take so far. Our people skills and the way we present ourselves also play a huge role in how others perceive us, and their perception of us as professionals may be the difference between our achieving our goals or failing.

It may not be fair that how we are perceived matters so much, yet it does. Like it or not, we all bring our personal biases to the decisions and evaluations we make. Most of us work hard to be objective…

Being a writer — or any artist or performer — has challenges that many other occupations don’t have. Our work is rejected by editors, is criticized and trashed by readers, and sometimes, just vanishes into oblivion. Some rejections sting, some stab, some eviscerate us, most suck.

Research shows that the pain of rejection activates the same areas of the brain as physical pain does, and we respond accordingly. It also triggers primitive fears of being ostracized from our tribe.

The tribe was necessary for security, support, companionship. It was a dangerous world out there, and the odds of surviving without…